why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
