like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
