What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you didnt know i had herpes?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
