I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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