I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
