The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
