So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
