I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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