My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
