I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
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