Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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