He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
