Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
