What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
