Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
