so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Someone signed my nipple.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
