She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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