So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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