I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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