I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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