DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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