I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
