I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
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Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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