I want to walk on stilts...naked
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
