i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
