Please, let me fuck your mom
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
