I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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