my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
