I think scott just propositioned me for sex
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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