it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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