A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
