Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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