I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
