She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
it's like heaven, but drunker
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
