I just saw a hot homeless man
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Congratulations! We have a period
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