is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
