yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize