"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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