My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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