so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
