if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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