i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
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You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
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I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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