I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
