so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
