I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
