go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.