my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
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Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
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Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.