hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...