Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar