i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.