About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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