is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
When did angry sex become our thing?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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