Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
