why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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