i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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