Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
