After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
