oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
