You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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