omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
