very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He? As in you personified your dick?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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