She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
