my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
