god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
we're making bets on your personal life
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
