do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??