sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.