You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn