So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
