its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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