omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize